


Addicted

by fvckingavengers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky's point of view, F/M, Smut, assassin!reader, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 05:29:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7087210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fvckingavengers/pseuds/fvckingavengers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky explains/expresses his love for the reader.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addicted

I can’t get enough of her. Her eyes. Her smile. The way she smells. All of it. She’s so goddamn intoxicating to the point that it drives me crazy. It’s not that I’m in love with her. But then again, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced love to really know for sure. But this, this feels like something else. It feels different. I think I’m addicted.

It started the second I saw her. Her bright smile damn near knocked the wind out of me. Our meeting was brief. Professional. I wasn’t even able to say more than two words to her before we were thrown into action. Even then, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. While I was supposed to be covering Steve’s ass out on the field, I was captivated by the way she moved. So elegant, confident with each move she made.

“Hey Barnes, if you’re not too busy checking out my ass, I could use some help over here.” She grunted through the com. Steve was nearly doubled over with laughter, which earned him a solid punch to the shoulder.

It didn’t take long for her to move into the tower after that. Our living quarters were on different floors, but I still got to see her first thing in the morning when she’d stumble into the kitchen for coffee. Tousled hair and sleepy eyed; the innocence that counteracted her natural bad assery that shown through during her more alert hours. I found it completely adorable.

It throughly pleased me that she wasn’t the least bit thrown off by the machinery permanently attached to the left side of my body. Most people react one of two ways. Sympathetic; only scratching the surface of knowing what Hydra had done to me. Or worse - they were frightened. Intimidated and afraid, knowing full and well of the things I had done as the Winter Soldier. But not Y/N. She was the exception. She looked at me no different than she looked at anyone else.

Y/N was guarded. Natasha was the one to recruit her. She informed us that Y/N had been trained in the same academy as she had. Y/N didn’t like to talk about it. I could see a shift in her demeanor when it was brought up. Her whole body would stiffen and she wouldn’t meet anyone’s gaze. Memories about the things they would make her do, about what they had done to her began to cloud her mind. I recognized it because the same thing happens to me anytime Hydra is mentioned.

“I know what it’s like.” I mumbled as I took a seat beside her on the couch in the common room. She looked up at me and furrowed her brows. “To be used as a weapon. To have your brain picked at and torn apart, just to have them put it back together again.” I watched as her lip trembled slightly. She tried to hide it by taking it between her teeth, so I pretended not to see it and diverted my gaze. “Anyway, I—uh, I just wanted to let you know if you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me. I know it helps when you have someone with shared life experience to go to.” With that, I turned to give her some space. Her response was no louder than a whisper, but before I was out of earshot, I heard a faint, “Thanks, Bucky.”

She was timid at first, but as time went on she became more comfortable with me. She told me stories about her time at the academy. She’d let me comfort her after she’d wake up screaming from a nightmare. I watched as her walls began to slowly tumble down. It made me feel good to know that someone could trust me. It made me feel good to know that she could trust me.

The team immediately took notice to the way we suddenly seemed to click. Y/N and I began to go on missions on our own, thriving in using our assassin skills for good instead of what we were originally trained to use them for. We fell into sync, always anticipating each other’s next move. On the field, it was easy. It’s when the more covert missions arose that things became tricky.

Y/N’s first undercover mission was to get close to this billionaire philanthropist. Spitting image of what I imagine to be a younger version of Tony Stark, only cockier—if you can believe it—and on the darker side of things. Fury needed us to get our hands on a device that he was planning to use to wipe out the greater New York area. She wore a floor length red dress that allowed me to memorize each and every one of her curves. As she worked the job from inside, I was stationed outside of the mansion.

It didn’t take long for Y/N to pique the man’s interest. He took the bait and was hooked on her line, escorting her to his bedroom. My jaw clenched involuntarily as I tightened my grip on my gun. I had a perfect view of the two of them, watching intently as his hand slid the zipper on her dress down her back. Though the darkness, I could only manage to see their silhouettes. I watched as her dress slid down her arms and fell to the floor. As his hands caressed her body. As her head tilted back to allow him access to her neck. The sound of metal scraping against metal distracted me long enough not to pull the trigger on him as my muscles tensed. Y/N found an opportunity to knock him out, and as soon as I saw his body hit the ground, I dropped the gun, knowing that if I kept it in my grip, I’d march into that room and splatter his fucking brain across the plush carpet.

When Y/N returned to the car, she was giddy. Happy that we had completed another mission. She quickly took notice that the feeling was not mutual as I peeled out onto the road to head back to the tower. She tried to make conversation, but I didn’t budge. My grip around the steering wheel tightened and my foot pressed harder on the accelerator.

I still hadn’t said a word to her by the time we pulled into the garage. The sound of my door slamming shut echoing around the empty garage startled her. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked off without her.

“I’ll do a briefing with Fury.” She said softly, trailing behind me.

“I don’t care.” I mumbled coldly.

I spent the next few days avoiding contact with anyone. This displeased not only Y/N, but Steve as well. But I needed isolation. I needed time to think about what I almost did. If I had pulled that trigger, it would have been my first kill since escaping the hands of Hydra. I had enough blood on my hands, I didn’t want anymore. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw the scene play back in my head. Y/N’s eyes closed in faux arousal. His hands and mouth littering her skin. It was all too much.

She was just doing her job. I knew that. I knew that she would do anything she had to do to finish the mission. But it killed me to see her with someone else. The thought of it alone was eating me up from the inside. And to be honest, it scared the shit out of me. The way I felt about her, the way I feel when I’m with her - I never thought I’d feel that way about someone after my actions as the Winter Soldier. So, what do I do when I start get close to someone? I push them away. Typical.

It had been days since I left my quarters. I couldn’t face Y/N and I didn’t need Steve’s nagging questions. And all was going good, too. Until I walked into my bedroom, fresh out of the shower to see Y/N sitting on my bed. My grip tightened around the towel around my waist to keep it secure as I silently gaped at her.

“Nice place you got here.” She said, absentmindedly tracing the pattern on the comforter. Before I could ask my pending question, she answered it. “Tony gave me the code to override the lockdown you put on the apartment. Steve’s out on a case so he sent me to check on you.”

I scoffed and turned my back to her, rummaging through my drawers for clothes. “I don’t need a babysitter. I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.” She spat angrily. “Don’t lie to me, Bucky. I thought we were above that.” I kept my back to her, but looked in her direction through the corner of my eye. She let out a long sigh, running a hand through her hair with one hand and pinching the bridge of her nose with the other. “This is about that night, isn’t it? Our last mission together.”

She couldn’t see my jaw clench, but the whirring sound of my cybernetic arm gave away the fact that my whole body tensed at the thought.

“James,” The way she whispered my name sent chills down my spine. Carefully, she placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me around to look at her. “Please. Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me what I can do to fix this.” She took her bottom lip between her teeth so that I wouldn’t see it tremble as her eyes began to gloss over. “I miss you.”

Those three words were enough to knock the fucking wind out of me. I wasn’t hesitant with my next action. I had to let her know how I felt. So, I cupped her face in my hands and took a dive, pressing my lips to hers gently. I felt her tears stream down her cheeks and against my thumbs, but much to my surprise, she kissed me back. She relaxed into my touch, allowing my hands to slide down to the sides of her neck as I rested my forehead against hers.

“I miss you, too, Y/N.”

That was all she allowed me to say before her lips were back on mine. Her hands knotted in my hair and she pulled me down to her. Before I can comprehend what I’m doing, I scoop her up in my arms and wrap her legs around my waist, not worried about the looseness of my towel. She pulled away briefly to catch her breath, and I took the opportunity of our closeness to memorize her features. Her flawless skin, the color of her eyes, the shape of her lips. Everything about her was breathtaking.

My thumb traced over her bottom lip and I smiled when she pressed a kiss to it. “It killed me to see you with him.” I confessed, dropping my gaze. “Seeing you with him, watching the way he touched you…”

She felt my muscles tense around her, but instead of pulling away, she twisted my damp strands of hair between her fingers, somehow knowing it would calm me. “Wanna know a secret?” Her childlike smile made my lips curl up as I nodded. “The second he laid a hand on me, I thought I was gonna have to blow the mission. I cringed every time he spoke. But,” She paused to look up at me through her lashes. “I thought about you instead. I thought about your hands on my body and your lips on mine. Helped me get the job done.”

“How did it compare? From the thought of me to the real thing?” I asked as I thumbed at her sides.

“Well…” She trailed off with a smirk.

For the first time in days, I laughed. I tossed her on to the bed hovered over her. “If you’d allow me the pleasure, I’d love to redeem myself.”

Her playful smile was hidden as she bit into her bottom lip and nodded to my proposal. I shuddered when I felt her delicate fingers trace the skin above my towel. I watched her pupils dilate before her eyes fluttered closed when I leaned down to kiss her again. Her lips felt so soft against mine, and the sweet sounds she was making as my hands trailed under her clothes and up her body made it hard to believe such a beautiful woman was once used as a killing machine just as I was.

My brain couldn’t keep up with my hands as they continued to rid her of her clothes. God, she was gorgeous. Her curves. The scars on her flesh. Everything. I only hoped that she’d let me take the time to appreciate all of her.

The second she unwrapped my towel, she was begging. And as much as I wanted to savor this moment, I couldn’t find it in myself to refuse her of her plea. We both gasped when I seated inside of her. Our hands and our mouths were desperate to devour every inch of each other as my hips found a steady rhythm. Although the serum had enhanced my stamina, the moment she screamed my name, I was a mess. My thrusts became sloppy and my hips jutted at the feeling of her walls squeezing around my cock. She held me tight as I descended into orgasm, somehow knowing that’s exactly what I needed. Her nails raked down my back and I reveled in the pain as she slipped into her own state of bliss.

“You know, ever since I was a little girl, I was told that I’d never experience this. My handlers always assured me that I wasn’t capable of being loved. They were big on self loathing. If you hated yourself as much as you hated everyone else, it made murder a walk in the park.” She confessed as she played with my metallic fingers. We laid in my bed, me on my back and her on her side. Her leg was strewn across my waist and I drew soothing patterns on her skin as she spoke. “I had never seen a functioning relationship, so I had no reason not to believe them. Then, I saw Nat with Clint. I was happy that she found someone, but I never thought that I’d be that lucky. But then you came along…”

The corners of my lips turned up and I closed the small space between us. “I’d be more than happy to prove them wrong.” I laced our fingers together and pressed a light kiss to the back of her hand. The tenderness of the moment soon shifted when she pushed me down to my back and straddled me. She placed her hands on my chest and grinned down at me, making me mirror her expression with a raised eyebrow. “You’re ready to go again?” I asked with a chuckle.

She leaned down, pressing her body to mine as she kissed a trail up the side of my neck. “You wanted to redeem yourself, now look what you’ve done. I can’t get enough of you.”

As soon as she took my ear between her teeth, my hands were on her hips. I couldn’t resist her. And I didn’t fucking want to. I wanted to discover every inch of her beauty and I know I’d never tire of it. Her tongue swiped along my bottom lip and I gladly opened my mouth for her. My cock twitched against her thigh and I felt her smirk against my mouth. She took me into her hand, gripping tightly and thumbing across my slit. She pulled away to look down at my dick in her hand, and the pure delight expressed on her face made me shiver. Y/N rose up to her knees and hovered over me. I couldn’t even blink, afraid I’d miss a second of the pleasure she gave herself as she teased. Finally, she sank down on my length. My eyes rolled to the back of my head at the sensation of her wet warmth. God, she was already throbbing with need. Her hips rolled slowly against mine and I took the opportunity to cup her ass in my hands. She moaned wantonly when my fingers dug into her flesh.

I kept my left hand on her cheek, and brought my right hand to her breast, using my thumb to trace teasing circles around her nipple until he hardened. Propping myself on my elbow, I leaned in and sucked the neglected bud into much mouth. Each groan, each breathless whimper she made only drove me closer to climax. I could tell Y/N was close from her sporadic thrusts and high pitched cries. I made sure she came first this time, but I wasn’t lagging for behind. She slumped tiredly in my lap, and I laid her back down, slipping out of her and heading to the bathroom to get a damp wash cloth. After cleaning her up, I crawled in next to her and let her nuzzle into my side, sleep already dragging her in. I smiled to myself and kissed the top of her forehead.

In that moment, I had to face the fact that I had been denying since the moment I saw her. I was in love with her. Always have been. Always will be.


End file.
